beautiful.....

so tonight I went to an event at the Alberta School for the Deaf for my ASL class. It was a movie about a deaf man (Andy) who was plagued by his past, and who had to cope with ignorant people (both deaf and hearing) before he met a kind, sweet woman (Mary) who made the effort to get to know him, understand him, and reach out to him. Although it was a little slow at the beginning, I really enjoyed how Mary was so patient with him, and gave him space when he needed it, but pushed him to open up when he needed that also. In one part of the movie, they went to church where the priest was talking about "The Prodigal Son". One thing that he mentioned was that it should have been named "The Forgiving Father", which stuck a chord with me. I think that we sometimes see ourselves as the wayward child, going through the experience of facing our mistakes, our problems, and humbling ourselves before those we love. But, have we really put ourselves in the position of the parent? We don't necessarily need to be a mother or father, but have we so openly welcomed someone back into our lives after past transgressions, or fault, being willing to forgive unconditionally? I struggle with that. It's difficult to forgive OR forget, nevermind forgive AND forget. At least with me, it is. Wounds take time to heal, but I suppose it's not something that will happen without work on my part. Perhaps humility is a struggle for me as pride is a struggle.
Anyway, there was a happy ending to the movie, and it made me remember why I love what I'm doing. Slowly, life seems to be falling into place. :)

our little bumblebee.....

here he/she is :) only 12.5 weeks old, and moving like a salsa dancer!

in the clear.... I think....

So, after seeing my doctor yesterday, everything is fine. :) I have to go for a blood test still, but that's just to give me more peace of mind. Man, this baby is already taking me on a rollercoaster ride! On another note, Quenton is home. :) I was hoping it was for good, but he has to go back next week. He wants to stay for the ultrasound on Tuesday, which makes me so happy! It'll be nice for him to see bumblebee for the first time. :)
So, only positive thinking from here on! I've been pretty good, so I have great expectations for the next 6 months. :) I do need to say a big THANK YOU to great friends and family. I know that some people wonder why we want to tell people so early that we're pregnant, and to keep all these things to ourselves, but I find it easier to deal with a good support system, so thanks again. :) Life is good!

worried?

So, I noticed on Friday that I was spotting a bit, and started to worry. I called Healthlink and the nurse said that without cramping and extensive bleeding, I should just monitor things for 72 hours and see my doctor in a few days. Nothing has "stopped", but it's not getting worse, so I'm thankful for that. I'm confident that everything will be ok, but it's hard to not think that things are going to turn out the way they did the first time, but I also need to remember that this is a blessing. Whatever happens is supposed to happen. My friend's father passed away recently, and as I was reading her blog entries, I was so impressed by her faith. Trials, no matter how big they may seem, can try us until we feel we will break. I suppose that is when we must kneel to receive the support we need. I pray that things will work out the way we want, but whatever is the Lord's will is what I'll accept. This beautiful baby is ours, and for however long it may be, I will love it always. :)

relief.....

So, I had an ultrasound yesterday and I was a little nervous. I don't have the best track-record with ultrasounds, so I think that warrants a little uneasiness. I was in the room, and the whole time the tech was taking pictures I was on the edge of my seat. When she left to take the pictures to the doctor, I felt a bit easier. My sister-in-law, Renee, was able to come in since Quenton wasn't here, and we both got to see little bumblebee, kickin' and movin' away! It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen! After that I felt pretty confident that everything was going to be ok. I had a doctor appointment today, and she verified that everything was good, bumblebee and me too, so now I have no worries whatsoever. :) NOW, all the excitement and emotion of knowing that we'll be bringing a new life into the world is here, and it's pretty overwhelming! I LOVE this baby! I can't believe how much I love it!
I've been more emotional than usual the last month or so, so now that this apprehension is gone, I'm pretty sure I'll be a complete wreck. I LOVE IT!!!

finally......

So, it only took us 14 months, but we are pregnant again! :) It was a total surprise! We were on fertility meds up until about November, then we took a break to see if my cycle would go back to normal. It didn't, so I had set up an appointment to talk to my doctor, to see if I needed to start the fertility regiment again. I happened to have an extra pregnancy test lying around, so the morning of the day I was supposed to have my doctor appointment I took the test. I was alone at the time, with Quenton being in Weyburn, so when I saw the "+", I just walked around the house saying "Oh, my gosh" about 10 times, looked for the camera to take a picture for Quenton, and then tried to figure out what to do next. :) I ended up sending a picture to Quenton's phone and he was SO excited!! Anyway, I went for an ultrasound to figure out how far along I was, and at that point I was about 7 1/2 weeks. I'm almost 11 weeks now, and even though I've been feeling lousy, I'm grateful for everything I'm going through. :) It's really fun thinking of names, planning the nursery, buying a new VAN, which I love, by the way, and just thinking to the future. It's a little scary, you know, thinking of myself as being a mom, but I'll adjust. I know Quenton will be the best dad ever. :)

Yup, 2010 is going to be a good year.

alone.

so, I am now going to be spouseless for the next 2 months (on and off). Quenton has to work over in Saskatchewan, and will be working 10 days on, 4 days off. He left yesterday morning and I was so sad. :( I even cried at work, which was not my best moment. I'm lucky because this week he's only gone until Thursday, since it's the end of the shift, but then he leaves again on Monday and he's gone for TEN days. I don't know how women I know do this. I hate it. There are so many things that I don't like about it. I have chosen NOT to get used to this because this is only temporary. I will do what I can to keep distracted and hopefully these two months will go by quickly.
Anyway, I miss him. I can't wait for him to come home. He's my favorite.