The leaf...

So I decided today that I would try to turn over a new leaf, as some say, and change my life. Perhaps I'm just changing aspects of my life that haven't been that great lately. One of them is my weight. Now, I've never been that comforable talking about it to people other than those that are super close to me, but enough is enough! I'm tired of holding on to this excess (and I do mean excess!) baggage like it's some protective shield against the things of the world. I've been carrying around this issue my whole life, and it's time to let it go. I went with my good friend Karen today to work out, and I'm so excited for the prospect of a new me coming into view! Life since the miscarriage has been extremely tough, especially this last month, and I'm tired of feeling stuck in a rut that I can't get out of, lately because I feel too big to get out of it!
Another thing that is going to change is my job. I'll be done working at the school at the end of next week, and although it's been a good learning experience, I feel like it's time to move on. I have a few different roads that I can go down, so we'll just see where this new leaf takes me.
Quenton and I both feel that this next month will be a good one, probably full of changes, good ones, and I can't wait. Tragedies in life whether big or small can have such an affect on your emotional, physical, and spiritual self. I never really got that until now. I've decided many times to change some things in my life, some successfully, some just good lessons learned. Good thing there's still a lot of leaves on my tree.

these times....

Ever have one of those days, weeks, or months where things just weren't going well? That's where I feel I've been for the last while. It isn't the happiest, most productive place to be, but it seems like I'm stuck in it, almost indefinitly. Now I've heard the old "everyone has bad days" and "this is just a trial you're going through" or "don't worry, things will pick up", but I just can't see it from where I'm standing (or in my case, lying in my bed waiting for the day to be over). I know it's probably just a phase, and things will get better, but sometimes it's hard to see the light when you're buried under the piles of unfortunate circumstances that I know most everyone has to deal with.
Anyway, there's a lot more going on in my head, but I just needed to say that.

the Q

So I have a lot of friends who have written wonderful things about their husbands, and I thought that I'd follow suit. :)
Wow, where to even start about my best friend. I guess that's it. He IS my best friend, my confidante, my love, my rock. He encourages me to do whatever I need to do to be happy. He holds me when I'm sad, laughs at my silly jokes, watches chick-flicks with me when all he wants to do is watch James Bond, he holds my hand whenever we are walking together, and he kisses me whenever he can. I never in a million years thought that I'd find a more caring, lovable, thoughtful, funny, smart, and sensitive man for me. He's perfect. I don't believe in coincidences, or fate, but if I did, I'd say he was my soulmate. I wish everyone could be around when he laughs! He has the best laugh of anyone I've ever met! He is so full of love for me, and I know it from everything he does and everything he is.
I love him. He's definitly my White Knight.
xoxo

the joys of the season....

Well, it's getting closer to Christmas time, and I'm doing my best to be more domestic and attempt to make Christmas cookies. I made a batch of my mom's shortbread cookies, and I think they turned out really well. Now, all I have to do is buy myself a rolling pin and then I can make some sugar cookies. I'm kind of excited for that. It took so long for the snow to come that all of a sudden it feels like the season is passing me by. I still have a few things to buy for presents, but then I just get to enjoy everything. I'm excited that this is our first Christmas as a married couple. A few weeks ago we bought our first Christmas tree and decorated it. It was so nice to start traditions that we'll be able to carry on to our own children.
My sister and her husband were here last weekend. What a blessing that was for me. I didn't find that I was too emotional last week, but when Melanie came, all my emotions came out. It was good. I love my family!
I love my husband too. Wow, has he been the perfect partner for me! So patient and understanding, and he's taken on so much with work and finishing school, and then helping me out at home. I am just so grateful that he loves me the way that he does.
We're pretty excited for our Christmas break. It'll be nice to get away and visit family. I'm sure the time will fly by, but it'll be fun to see everyone. Who knows, maybe I'll bring more cookes to share, that is if they turn out ok. :)

sad times.....

Well, some of you may know that we lost the baby this weekend. It was pretty sad for both of us, but after a couple of days we are feeling ok about things. I had a feeling that things weren't quite normal, but what do I know about normal, never being pregnant before. I would love to just stay at home, avoid people at all cost, but we both know what we have to keep doing every day things to get back into a routine. This isn't going to hold us back from starting a family, though. No way! I know that we'll be blessed some day, and we can't wait. I have a lot of thoughts on what has happened, but need to run, so I'll be back. Thanks to everyone for their love and support. Not to worry. We are undefeated!

xoxo

Big Things, and Little Things

So I just woke up from a 3 hour nap (that seems to be the trend now adays) and thought I'd update our little blog. :) Quenton just had his ring ceremony today (Electrical Engineering) and is officially underemployed. That's ok because he's on the prowl for a job, and we've been so blessed with the things that we've needed so far that I have no doubts that he'll find one. :) I have to say that I am SOOO proud of him! He has been so dedicated and diligent in doing this not only for himself, but for our family, and I am so grateful for that. :)
It's been a busy couple of weeks here for us. First, after going to the doctor for blood tests (she wanted to make sure we weren't pregnant before starting me on medication), we found out on Remembrance Day that I actually AM pregnant (about 6 weeks at that time) and that I needed to see her to start prenatal visits and so on. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! Yup, that was my reaction. I first cried after getting off the phone, just because we were not expecting this at all. We were both so happy! So, of course, we called the family and told them the happy news. We were debating when to tell everyone else, so it was just recently that we actually did. We're so thankful for the well wishes. :) :)
Then, Wednesday came and I noticed that I was bleeding a bit. I called Quenton, my mom, my doctor, my friend (another doctor), and another friend, and then I just waited for Q to come home. We went to see my doctor that morning and things sounded on the "ok" side. She sent me for blood tests that day and again Friday, and I have an ultrasound on Tuesday. It's been 4 days now, and I'm still spotting a bit, but I had my friends' husbands come over to give me a blessing, and we were reassured that everything was going to be ok and that this baby was going to be healthy. I know that everything will be fine, but I'm still a little anxious for our results. Again, we're grateful for all the well wishes and positive thoughts. :)
I have to say, I never really felt a connection with this baby until I thought that I might lose him. Quent and I have had long talks these last few days, and he continues to assure me that things are going to be ok. I know that we've been blessed with this precious little one, and I can't wait to see this pregnancy through to the end to meet him/her. :)

Here we go....

So, I was just reading a friend's blog, and realized that I'm not the only one feeling frustration and feeling being held back. I know that things happen for a reason, and when the Lord intends them to happen, but I guess when I'm trying to do smething right, not having the results makes me feel like I'm missing something.
I think it's interesting that I'm told probably a billion times that for normal couples it can take up to a year to get pregnant. Ok, I get that. Things take time. But for me, it's a little more frustrating. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which makes the process a little more challenging. We were hoping that the test would have had a little "+" sign this last month, but of course it did not. So, it wasn't the fact that we weren't pregnant that got me stressed, but it was knowing that this month there have been a few indications that my body wasn't giong to cooperate with me. This just made me realize that even though we were hoping that we could maybe avoid the medications and other things that are down the difficult path, I now see that we've already started down that path. So, now we wait for tests to come back and let us know what the next step is. After long talks and prayers, we both feel confident that things will work out for the best in the end, and that no matter what happens, at least until the test shows that little "+" sign, we have so much time to be spending together, enjoying life as a newly married couple, and that we will be blessed someday.
Life really is good, even when it's not going the way I expect it or want it to go. I think that we're finally ready for whatever happens, and that feels good.