is anyone there?

so, I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, or if it's just my paranoia of being pregnant, but I've been constantly thinking about this baby and wondering, "are you ok? are you there?". I haven't felt anything yet, and since it's been a lot longer between doctor visits and ultrasounds than before, I start to wonder if there's anything even there! I know, my belly isn't getting any smaller, but I'm the type of person who needs some sort of visual proof, or whatever. We have our ultrasound next week, so that will hopefully ease some of my apprehension. We were wanting to find out the gender, but if that doesn't work it's ok. I have to admit, it's a little frustrating when I talk so some people about whether I'd like a girl or a boy, and after my response the first thing they say is "well, as long as it's healthy. that's what matters." Do you think that I don't care about that? Seriously, if you want to know what I'm hoping for, give me a little credit. Of course I want a healthy baby! That should go without saying. It's mostly the "older" generation who say this, but it's still annoying.
Anyway, I just had a girl at school yesterday tell me that she didn't know that I was pregnant until she read my shirt ("a little baby grows a long way"). I didn't really know how to feel about that. :) Oh well! :)
Life has been pretty good. We finally got the livingroom organized this weekend. :) It's actually starting to feel "homey". Now all we have to do is clean out the office to make room for the nursery. :) It's a good feeling when things start to come together little by little. :)

on my mind......

so, I was debating on whether to post this, but it's something that's been on my mind for a while. I LOVE having time to myself, to just relax, rest, spend time with the dogs, you know, have a break. This break, however, has been a little too long. I hate being alone. Yes, I know, the dogs are here, and I'm not really by myself, but I can't really have a meaningful conversation when there's no response. I know that it could be as easy as just going for a walk, or calling someone up, but sometimes it's not. On top of all that, when I feel lonely, I'm not as productive as I'd like to be. I read blogs of other girls I know who are wives and moms, and I think, "wow. they are amazing wives. they are amazing moms." I don't feel like I fit that category. There's so much to do before this baby comes, and some days it's very overwhelming. BUT, having said all this, I have made a resolution to accomplish one big task (may seem small at the time) every day. Am i miles behind every other wife? Probably. Quenton might not always come home to a meal all ready cooked and dished out on a plate for him, but he knows I love him more than anything. He really is the most important person in my life. I'm sure some of you have asked yourselves how you landed such a great husband, and I fall into that same category. Why did he choose me? whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. We're starting a family soon, and I couldn't ask for a better husband and father. Wow, this post started out dreary, but it's ended on a happier note. :) Life is actually pretty good! :) I finished my communications class a couple weeks ago, so that has aleviated some stress in my life. My ASL classes are WONDERFUL, and although they keep me pretty busy, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Anyway, one thing I was thinking of starting (to be a little more domestic) is collecting some recipes from friends. I know there are emails, and some facebook sites, and a friend of mine has a blog with crafts and recipes, but if you have any fun, easy recipes you wouldn't mind sharing, I promise to make it and let you know how it turns out. :)
Thanks for listening. :)

expansion....

so, here are a couple pictures. I love my belly! I would NEVER in a MILLION years say that any other time, but it's a home to one of my favorite people right now, and that makes it worth everything. I am SO excited to meet this little one, and I still have about 162 days left! There's a lot to do before that happens, but I want to make sure I take the time to just enjoy every minute of this. I've been pretty lucky that this pregnancy has been relatively smooth. Even if it weren't, I'd be grateful. Heavenly Father has blessed Quenton and I so much, just with eachother, and I am overflowing with gratitude and joy that our little family is growing. Does He know us? Of course He does! Does He know what we need, when we need it? Absolutely. :) Life is so great, and I can't wait for what's to come.

thoughts.....

So I've been wanting to take some belly shots, but feel a little self-conscious about it. Not that I'm showing a lot, but I wasn't exactly paper thin when I got pregnant like some women so I had a bit of a belly to start with. I can't tell how much I'm showing, but Quenton says that I am, and my mom says that I am, so maybe it's true. :) So, I guess this week's project will be to take some pictures and post them. we'll see...... ;)
Quenton has been home for almost 2 weeks now, and I am LOVING it!! It's so nice to see him when he gets home from work, and to have him here on the weekends. I didn't have to go to Church alone either, so that was nice. I've been thinking a lot about how our lives are going to change in the next 5-6 months. I'm totally exhausted now, and that won't change, I'm sure. :) I welcome all the new changes, appealling or less appealing. A friend of mine had a baby recently and it got me thinking about what it will be like to know that "it's time", and to actually be in the hospital, thinking about everything. It's a little overwhelming to think about, but exciting at the same time. :)
Life is good. I'm relaxing, enjoying time with Q, and getting ready to change everything for our little bumblebee. Can't get any better than that, right?

back.....

So, Quenton is finally home. :) Life feels so normal now, and since we have SO many things to do before baby comes, it's nice to have another set of hands to do the heavy lifting! On Friday we did a little shopping where I got some new clothes, we picked up some groceries, and then we started to do a little organizing. Saturday we went to Ikea to pick up a laptop desk and a fun shoe rack. I've decided that unless we absolutely need to, I want to have our OWN things. We still have a few hand-me-downs from family, but I'm slowly getting rid of them to make way for our new family and to help our place feel like our home. Our next purchases will be dressers, a crib, stroller with a car seat, and any other things our little one may need. We bought some pictures of white lilacs from ikea as well, to put in the kitchen. It looks more inviting now, and with a couple other pictures up in the livingroom, I finally feel comfortable thinking of staying here for a year or two. I feel like breathing a huge sigh of relief. sigh.

beautiful.....

so tonight I went to an event at the Alberta School for the Deaf for my ASL class. It was a movie about a deaf man (Andy) who was plagued by his past, and who had to cope with ignorant people (both deaf and hearing) before he met a kind, sweet woman (Mary) who made the effort to get to know him, understand him, and reach out to him. Although it was a little slow at the beginning, I really enjoyed how Mary was so patient with him, and gave him space when he needed it, but pushed him to open up when he needed that also. In one part of the movie, they went to church where the priest was talking about "The Prodigal Son". One thing that he mentioned was that it should have been named "The Forgiving Father", which stuck a chord with me. I think that we sometimes see ourselves as the wayward child, going through the experience of facing our mistakes, our problems, and humbling ourselves before those we love. But, have we really put ourselves in the position of the parent? We don't necessarily need to be a mother or father, but have we so openly welcomed someone back into our lives after past transgressions, or fault, being willing to forgive unconditionally? I struggle with that. It's difficult to forgive OR forget, nevermind forgive AND forget. At least with me, it is. Wounds take time to heal, but I suppose it's not something that will happen without work on my part. Perhaps humility is a struggle for me as pride is a struggle.
Anyway, there was a happy ending to the movie, and it made me remember why I love what I'm doing. Slowly, life seems to be falling into place. :)

our little bumblebee.....

here he/she is :) only 12.5 weeks old, and moving like a salsa dancer!