Gratitude.

ok, I'm going to do something that I probably needed to do a long time ago.

share what I'm grateful for. A girl I know is doing a gratitude challenge, and after reading her recent blog post, I decided I needed to do it too. I spend WAAAAAY too much time being critical (mostly in my head or to my husband), so I need to offset that by exuding the positive. So here goes :)

I am grateful for the Gospel. Now, to me that includes the Church and everything that goes along with it. I was thinking, at first, that I would share something outside of the typical "I'm grateful for the Church, my family, the Book of Mormon" etc., but there have been a lot of things happening in my life lately that have caused me to seriously look at my membership in the Church.

I was 18 when I was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had taken the discussions, prayed about the Book of Mormon, and took the plunge! At the time, I hadn't read through the whole BoM, but I had prayed to know if what I was doing was right. That was the most powerful answer to prayer that I have received to date. I knew that no matter what happened in my life from that point on, I could not turn my back on the truth. 

Ever.

Since then, I've had different callings in the various wards I've been in, went through the temple, I served an 18 month mission to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, Utah and also to Dallas, Texas, and, most importantly, I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity. The things that I've learned, and the experiences that I've had have only strengthened my testimony that what I've done has been pleasing to the Lord. 

My mom has cancer. We found out right before Christmas. The surgeon figures they were able to remove it all when she had surgery back in November, but she has some tests coming up that will let us know if there's any cancer still there. She's probably going to have surgery to remove more of her intestine, but that won't be for a couple of months. Through all of this, I know that her faith has grown, and seeing how she's handled it all has increased my faith that we are being cared for and comforted by a loving Heavenly Father. 

I also have friends and family who have left the Church. It's not that they are attending another Church; they stop believing in God altogether. Hearing and reading their reasons for doing so has caused me to react with a number of different emotions, but also has strengthened my testimony that my decision to join the Church 15 years ago was the right one. Although I know that the power of the adversary is strong, I still find myself amazed that someone would choose a path other than that of the Gospel. I know I'm not perfect, but I will not deny what is true.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ has brought me more joy and blessings than I could have ever imagined. I know that God lives. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I also know that there will be things that happen in our lives to test our faith, and I will not abandon the Lord. He has given me my confidence, my strength, and my happiness. He has blessed me with Quenton, with my kids, with my wonderful life.

For that, I am grateful.

please, allow me to vent.....

so I was on facebook yesterday, and I saw a link posted regarding the Church's view on homosexuality. I watched some of the videos of members who are both gay and mormon, and I honestly found it refreshing.

Let me preface this by saying that I have friends who are gay, and I love them. I, of course, also love the Church and the Gospel, so it was nice to read about the position the Church has on this sensitive subject. I don't want to go into great detail (you can look at the website here), but I really felt the Spirit and the love coming from our Father in Heaven. I think that this is a topic that anyone can pick apart and find criticism for either side, but I have nothing but respect for those who have to make these difficult decisions regarding such an emotional subject. I believe that those who take the time to seek the guidance of Heavenly Father, in order to make the decision that will ultimately bring them the greatest happiness, will have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with the Savior and our Father than they ever would.

So why are people not pleased with this?? We can't expect the Gospel or the Church to change to suit the needs of the individuals, and the way I see it, Church leaders are treating everyone equally; commandments are the same, the laws and ordinances are the same. I find it very frustrating when someone says that this makes them sad. Why?? I suppose that not having the eternal perspective on this could be why they feel that this isn't beneficial, but come on. The Church doesn't believe that by being homosexual you are automatically doomed to hell. Acting on those urges definitely changes things, but, in my opinion, it's no different than someone breaking the law of chastity. I definitly have feelings of frustration and annoyance directed towards those who are not listening to the Spirit, but, I suppose that we should only worry about our own relationship with the Lord and do our best to be understanding and loving.

We are here to love one another. That, ultimately, is the message. 

Love.

Let's celebrate the eternal perspective and the eternal blessings that are to be reaped from turning to the Lord in all things, no matter the situation, no matter the individual. 

Because we are all children of a Father in Heaven. 

And He loves each of us.

family pictures and bubba's stats :)

So we were able to get our friend Kim to take some family pictures again :) We'll be getting a few more this weekend since some of the family ones weren't what I was thinking of (due to not so cooperative children.....) Here's some of what she took, and I love them :) :)

 Hazel- 2 years old

 happy family of 4 :)

 Jude- 6 months

love.

It was pretty chilly that day, so I'm excited to see what we can get this weekend with a little warmer weather!

On another note, Jude is officially 25 weeks/ 6months old! AND he is another chunky monkey :) He's topped the scales since his first month or so, and he doesn't seem to be stopping, now weighing 22lbs! I absolutely love my Bubba. He's been teething for the past month or so, and so far that's the only time that he's really cranky. He's soooo happy, and so loving. Even with how crazy this month has been, he still has the biggest smiles for us, and definitely brightens my days. He is SO close to crawling! He can get anywhere so fast, and I don't know if I'm quite ready for him to be so mobile. But, I'm also proud of how quickly he's growing, and am so excited for these little milestones of his :)

my little Bubba xoxo

oh, and I realize I never posted about Hazel's birthday, so that will be coming soon :)

crazy days....

wow, where to I even begin this post.....

This past month has been CRAZY busy. I think with Quenton's crazy work schedule the way it was, we felt and are feeling a little more stretched than normal. Let's review:

First, there was General Conference/Thanksgiving weekend. Conference was fantastic! The announcement regarding missionary service brought tears to my eyes. The thought of more young men and young women being able to serve is such a blessing! Elder Holland's talk was so powerful, and still touches me every time I read it. All of the talks were so inspired, and I was sad to see it over. At least we had turkey dinner as a consolation, I suppose ;) Most of Quenton's family plus a few more came to our house. It was so fun to host! I love having a house where people can actually come over :) There were a few stressful moments, but overall it was a good weekend.

Then, we prepared that week to go to the Calgary Temple open house on the Saturday.
 
We drove down Friday night and planned on coming back Sunday. The Temple is sooo beautiful! What an awesome opportunity to be able to bring a couple of our non-member friends through :) We stayed with the Trims and LOVED IT! We agreed that we need to visit more often. We saw my brother Todd and his girlfriend Theresa before we left, which definitely completed the trip. :)
On the way home, my ear started to hurt, and by the time we got to Edmonton, I had decided to get it looked at. I had been fighting a pretty bad cold since before the trip, and I didn't want to be dealing with an infection with Quenton back at work. It took a while to get in at the clinic, but I at least found out that it wasn't an infection, but could turn out that way in a day or so. All I could do was take tylenol or/and advil for the pain and hope it didn't end up worse. It started to feel better the next day, and the virus I had went away after about a week.
Keep in mind, this whole time we've been potty training Hazel, which was a little trying at first, but she's been doing AMAZING! No, I haven't taken her on a trip out yet without a diaper, but that's my goal this week. :) Meanwhile, I was trying to work out 6 days/week, focus on Weight Watchers, we've started Jude on solids, hosted friends here to stay for a few days, made TWO turkey dinners (one being Thanksgiving), had Stake Conference, had family pictures, threw a Halloween activity for my Activity Days girls, had Hazel's Birthday party (just us and the missionaries, but still....), still need to carve our 3 pumpkins and get ready for tomorrow night, and have had to adjust to Quenton working 12-14 hour days and evenings.
so I'm a little tired.
 and I've wanted to complain a lot. which I have to Quenton.
but, I just keep thinking that these hours are helping us financially, and starting November 1st, life should be getting somewhat back to normal. Some things have suffered this past month, but we're trying to keep an eternal perspective by trying to see what blessings have come from the choices we've made, and what we can improve on.
October is still my favourite month of the year :)



so, sorry if we haven't kept in better touch with you, especially if we live in the same city! I promise, next month will be better :)

help!!!!!

S.O.S!!!

well, it's maybe not THAT bad, but I'm in a HUGE rut..... (is that how you spell rut??..... i don't know.)

My goal was to be a fit new mom and lose weight and look as good as I do in my head. That was my goal. I, however, have hit a WALL. Life has been really stressful lately, and I'm doing a little emotional eating. booooo! Ok, let's back up a little....

I started Weight Watchers after Jude was born, to at least get into some better eating habits. It was going really well, not to mention the perks of breast feeding. However, I couldn't/can't get past that 10 lb mark. :( 

I've been dealing with post partum depression as well, which seems to come and go. That definitly plays a part in this weight loss challenge. 

So, I'm still doing WW (at least going to get back on track asap), but need some pointers on the exercise part. I don't go to the gym (not my thing), and right now my comfort zone is my house and yard (ppd thing). Sooooo, I'm just wondering what you've used to work out at home and when? Ideally, it would be nice to have a work out partner, or at least someone to be accountable to. Quent has been lifting weights (yes, please!!) but has had changing schedules, so we're kind of doing this separately together.... ;) Eventually I'd like to run a 5/10 K race sometime, but I think that'll have to wait until I'm either not nursing or nursing less frequently.

Jude is 4 1/2 months old right now, and I'm really hoping to be able to buy a whole new wardrobe by Christmas. That's reasonable, right?

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated :) I'm done with feeling/looking like baby #3 is on the way......

ok, finally an update.....

where to start, where to start.......

well, this summer's been a busy one. First off, we had Jude's blessing at the end of June. It was nice to have family come and celebrate little J-man :)

 Here's our little family.... Hazel was a little tired and not wanting a picture.

.... and here's our little man. :) I love him so much!

Next, we went CAMPING. I'm not a big camper to start with, so I was a little nervous to think that we'd be camping with 2 kids, one being only 2 months old. We were able to borrow Quenton's parent's trailer, so that basically saved my sanity. It was SO HOT where we were, so it was nice to have some AC.

My parents are celebrating their 40th anniversary this year, so we threw them a little get together after our family campout. We had relatives from both side come and celebrate our awesome parents, and it was so fun to get together with them! (pics to follow.....)

We've been home ever since the middle of July, and I can't believe it's already the middle of August!! I feel like my life has been one big blur, but I suppose that happens with kids around :) 

Hazel is saying TONS of words :) Stuck! (her favourite word), sit, circle, star, rocket (rock), poop (for Pooh), bum (for poop), hair, one, two, mommy, dad, papa, mama, all done (speaking and signing for finished and amen), Jude, tired, help (signing and speaking), down, up, and MANY MORE! I feel like she's growing up so fast, and I have mixed emotions about that! She's the best big sister to Jude, and I can't wait for them to play together :) I absolutely am still in love with my little girl :)

Jude is my little bubba :) He is SO big! A month ago he was just under

16 lbs, so I'm sure he's closer to 17 now. He smiles, laughs, talks up a storm, and melts my heart :) He loves tummy time, and would rather be standing than anything. I bet he's going to be crawling before I know it (that is, IF he can move his own weight around!) :) He's such a happy boy, and I'm so lucky to have him for my second baby. He's added so much to our family right now and can't see what else he's going to be learning!

brother/sister time :)

Quent and I are still adjusting to being back from holidays. One thing that I miss is SLEEP. Hazel had moved from her crib to a twin mattress on the floor, and was sleeping great before and during camping. Now, she gets up at least once a night and is constantly coming into our room. We've been letting her sleep in our bed, mostly because I'm too tired to take her back to bed. That will be changing ASAP, though. I've been so exhausted that I feel like I just cannot get ahead. With ANYTHING. I wonder if there are other moms out there who have been in the same boat after having their second child? I kind of hope so, so I don't feel like such a bad mom. I'll admit to having a bit of a breakdown yesterday, but all is well today (probably because I've had my first shower in DAYS!). Regret having more than just one kid? Nope. Never. Just learning to balance everything. That, I believe, is an art I have yet to master.

jumping in, head first.

 **warning, long post ahead...**

i love my kids :) I love having Jude here, and I love how Hazel seemed to grow up so much in this last month. A month. How has 4 weeks gone by already?? We were busy with visitors and then with trying to get a schedule established, time has FLOWN. He's still trying to adjust to life on the outside, but even through the sleepless nights and tiresome days, my love for him, and even for Hazel (who has been a real trooper through all this adjusting!) has only grown. :) I love spending every moment with my kids, even the tough ones, and I consider that a blessing.

I was a little concerned when I got closer to my due date, and especially right after Jude was born because I went through almost a whole year of post-partum depression with Hazel. I didn't know if I was going to have to deal with that again or not, but I figured being aware of it might give me a bit of an advantage. So far, things have been ok. I've had a couple of bad days, but I really don't think it's hit me. (fingers crossed)
I can't remember if I've talked about having PPD or not, but I figure that there's other moms out there who have dealt with this, and sharing gives awareness and that can be the help that I or others need.
I had dealt with some anxiety and depression in the past, nothing too serious, but enough that I knew we would probably be dealing with PPD once we started having kids. I remember barely leaving my house most of that year (seriously, only for Church and the occasional errand). I felt comfortable and relatively safe in our little basement suite, and I needed that assurance.
One thing that became very apparent when Hazel was born was my attatchment to her. Yes, I know it's normal for mothers to feel a strong bond with their children, especially their first born, but I quickly came to learn that this went a little beyond that. In Hazel's 19 months of life, we've had only 2 nights where we had to get a babysitter, and a couple more where Q's mom or my mom watched her so we could go to a movie. I just didn't want to leave Hazel. No, I COULDN'T leave her. I would have anxiety just thinking of not being with her, and I would either turn down an offer for someone to watch her, or we would just stay at home and rent a movie. It's not that I didn't think it was important for Quenton and I to have date night, or even some time sans kids, but for me, it's not an easy solution of just getting out of the house. Sometimes the simple, easy answer is the hardest to accomplish.
Anyway, I became quite comfortable just hanging out with Hazel and Quenton, and sometimes even going to playdates with friends. I will admit, though, that I often turned down invites because I just didn't feel comfortable leaving, or feeling a little (or a lot) "blue" was enough to keep me home. It didn't take me long to realize that a part of my own PPD was having a form of separation anxiety "issues" (mostly with Hazel, but vaguely with Quenton, even). Even now, with Jude here, I have the hardest time thinking of leaving Hazel at a friend's house for a playdate. I stressed SO MUCH trying to figure out what I was going to do with Hazel if Jude happened to come early and my mom wasn't here to watch her. I thought that it would get easier once Jude was here, but I still feel that connection with Hazel that makes it hard for me to leave her. I think a big part of it is because we waited so long for her to come into our family, and the thought of something happening to her if I'm not there (and I'm not talking about a scraped knee) is enough for me to stay home and watch her. There's more to having PPD and separation anziety with my family than I've mentioned, but this is the jist of it.
I'm sure this probably sounds silly to most people, but, even though I'm working on getting out more (with or without kids), these issues are real. I love my kids, and I love my family. With advice from friends who have dealt with the same things I have, and, for me, turning to the Lord, life is pretty good. I've really been blessed with the experiences in my life, and I know that I am stronger than my situations.

that's it in a nutshell.