thoughts lately....

so, I thought I was immune to have rough nights with my beautiful girl, but that was not to be. Everything has been pretty good. I don't really mind the late nights as long as Hazel isn't upset or sad. That has got to be the hardest thing for me to deal with. Last night, for example, she was fussy for whatever reason, and my heart was breaking for her. I know, I know, lots of babies get fussy, and it's not the end of the world, but I felt like such a terrible mom, seeing my little girl so upset. In the end, she just needed to cuddle with her mom, and I rocked her and she was fine. Her mom wasn't fine, though. I would do anything for Hazel, and when I don't know what to do, I feel sad. :(  Tears were shed, hugs were given, and then we were all ok. I know it'll take a few months to get into a routine, so for now whatever she needs, she'll get, whenever she needs it.
Can I just say again how amazing it feels to have this much love for someone I just met? Quenton and I were talking last night about how being able to have a family brings the happiness that Heavenly Father wants for us. I know that if we weren't able to have children ourselves, we would probably adopt, so having Hazel has been such a blessing.
I've been at home mostly, and even though I've been able to get out a bit with Hazel, either to run errands or visit friends, I totally don't mind being cooped up here. I mean, it's been a little chilly outside, so who doesn't want to avoid the cold!?! I don't mind having visitors, but for the most part I like just having some bonding time with the babe. I'll be more sociable eventually, I promise!
On another note, Hazel loves to snuggle. :) And I love to snuggle with her! She has THE cutest little face, and I can still just sit and watch her ALL DAY LONG. We have our Christmas tree up, and even though she doesn't really know what's going on, I can't wait to celebrate with her! I think that every holiday will be infinitely more fun with her around!
Anyway, that was just on my mind.

here's a few more....

so my friend Kim took a few more newborn shots of Hazel, so I thought I'd share a few with you. My little girl is so amazing, and I swear I could take pictures of her all day every day, although I'm sure every mom can say that!
I hope you don't get too sick of me showing off my little princess, my Hazelnut. :)

There are some days when she will look at me, or just snuggle in just that little bit more, and it really takes a lot for me to keep my emotions in check. I'm sure I'll write a lot about her, but she is one of the greatest blessings in my life. Heavenly Father truly gave us this little miracle, and my life feels so complete. :)

different....

so life will never be the same. :) I'm pretty happy about that! Life has been so great, even amidst the late night feedings, worrying whether Hazel has thrush or not, and being frustrated when Quenton and I getting sick. I love our little girl more than I can even say. Even when I'm exhausted at 3am, I wouldn't trade getting up for her for anything. Once a mother, always a mother, right?

Here's some pictures of my beautiful babe. :)

My heart is so full. :)

finally!!!!

SHE'S HERE!!!!! I'm sure that most of you know this, but it's about time that I blogged about it! I'll give the short-ish version of the big event. :)
I woke up on her due date around 3am to go to the bathroom, and when I was on my way back to bed I noticed some cramping. I waited to see if they were staying consistent, and once they started to "contract" I woke Quenton up and told him that I was having contractions. He woke up, but then shut his eyes and just lay there (I think waiting to see if anything was really going to happen....) :) Then I felt my water break, and after I told Quent he was definitly awake! We left for the hospital at 4am and after being monitored and checked, (I was only 2 cm) we had the option of being sent home or staying. I thought it would be a good idea to go home, hoping that I'd be more comfortable. On the way, we stopped at McDonald's to get a little breakfast (I was craving it, since I wanted to eat SOMETHING!) and by the time we got home, the contractions were starting to get pretty intense. I took a LONG hot shower and then went to lay down for a bit. Finally, I told Quenton we should go back to the hospital. It was 2 hours after we had come home, so I figured I had toughed it out enough! We got there and they checked me, saying that I was at 3 cm, so after being admitted, the contractions were getting to be a bit much for me. I was ready for the miraculous epidural, but I had to wait until the doctor had everything ready. PLUS, there was another woman having a c-section, so I was still waiting. An hour after getting to the hospital I was dilated to 5cm, then in another hour I was 6cm (11:00am), which was when I finally got my epidural. Seriously, that was the best feeling ever! (no, not the IV before or the knowledge that a resident was giving me the epidural) I couldn't imagine not having this!! My heart rate dropped just after, as did Hazel's, so all of a sudden there were, like, 5 extra people in the room working on us. After about 6 minutes, she was fine and everything was good. :)
So, after my miracle drug, I was able to catch a little sleep (as did my marvelous Quenton) and by 1-1:30-ish I was around 8cm. Everything kind of stopped at that point since she was kind of stuck (won't give the details...) but after topping up my epidural and giving me some narcotics and oxytocin, everything started to pick up again. I started pushing around 5:30pm, and after almost exactly 1 hour, Hazel Autumn White was born at 6:23pm, weighing 7lbs 10oz. I was so spent and exhausted and overjoyed that I just cried when they gave her to me. She hardly cried, and she's been so good ever since. She looks a lot like Quenton, and I can't wait to see her change and become her own little person!
This is me after the epidural and not too long before she arrived!

 Here she is!!!!

 This is her almost a week old. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

 This is us at the hospital the day that we went home. :)

She is such a blessing to our lives. Heavenly Father sure knew when we needed her and when we were ready for her. I have felt so much love in the last 11 days, and absolutely would do anything for this little girl. :) So, that's her story. She is such a good baby, and I love spending time every day with her!