the time has come.....

So for everyone who didn't know, Quenton and I were sealed for time and all eternity December 5th here in the Edmonton Temple. :) :) I don't have our pictures yet, but I'll post them asap. The weekend actually didn't turn out how we had planned, but it was still beautiful. A crazy blizzard blew in Friday and as a result none of Quent's family or our friends south of Edmonton were able to come. No one outside of the city (and even a few within Edmonton) could make it, actually. I was a little bummed about it, mostly because I knew it would be important for Quenton's family to be there, but also because this is something I have been waiting for since we were married , and I wanted to celebrate with those we were closest to.
It was a beautiful ceremony, and I was so grateful for those who were able to be there. I would never encourage anyone to forego a temple marriage. Just thinking about being with my best friend and dearest love forEVER is beyond what I can express and I am more than grateful for such a blessing in my life.
Now the only question is, what's next?

the greatest news in the world......

So I'm sure most of you know, but my wonderful wonderful husband and I are finally going to be sealed for time and all eternity this December. :) I cannot even begin to express the gratitude I feel in my heart for the awesome change that has come over our family. Quenton has been so diligent in making sure he's doing the right thing for the right reasons (which makes it no surprise that the conclusion is the Temple. ;) I could not be more proud of my love than I am right now. I want to express some other feelings I have in my heart. I know that when this whole adventure of ours (dating and marriage) began, there were a lot of skeptics. I understand that there's a reason to be concerned when a friend gets involved with someone who isn't active or not a member of the Church. I just want to put out there that I knew in my heart, through prayer, that everything was going to work out ok. I always had a goal to go to the Temple with him, and I knew that it would happen one day. I don't recommend my situation to anyone, but I will say that if you are following the spirit, and if you stay close to the Lord, He will guide you to do what is right for you, not anyone else, YOU. I love the Lord, I love His Gospel. I love the Temple, and I love my husband. What an exciting time this is! I also want to thank those who were supportive from the beginning, who have had faith in both Quenton and I. I know that it was because of your kindness, your friendship, and your prayers that we are where we are today.
Yup. God is good.

Our little ones.....

Well, our pups are now about 5 1/2 months old and so much fun! They are a bit of a handful, but we pretty much have a routine with them now. They're pretty big now, as well. I believe they've been such a blessing in our lives. They helped me through a difficult time and I can't imagine not having them around! I miss the little puppies I used to have around, but they are two beautiful dogs now. (pictures to come soon!)

Sisters.....

So this past summer we got to spend time with most of our family at my grandparents' 60th Anniversary celebration, the Lawrence family campout, and my cousin Kim's wedding. It was so much fun to hang out!! It always ends up being months between visits, but once we're all together it seems like no time has passed at all! It was expecially nice to see my two sisters, Tammy and Melanie. They are so special to me and I can't think of two closer friends in my life than my sisters! Tammy has 3 beautiful girls, Grace, Madeline, and Laura, and Melanie is expecting her first little one in October. I love these girls to death!! I wish we all lived closer so we could get together more often, but at least there's the phone...... ;)

My Graduate!

Wow, so this is what it feels to be bursting with pride! My man is done with school! He's done so well and has worked so hard this last year. He actually graduated in December with a degree in Electrical Engineering biomedical option, but had his convocation on the 11th of June. What an example Quenton has been for me. I'm sure he's a little frustrated not being able to find a job in his field (stupid economy), but we both have faith that he'll find something.

Life has been pretty busy for us. The dogs are definitly getting bigger! Sugar got fixed a couple weeks ago, but just had the stitches removed yesterday. She had a cone for 13 days, and I'm sure by day 2 she was done with that. :) Both she and Buddy survived, but we get to look forward when he gets fixed..... :

I am so grateful to have them in our family. They have been such a blessing to us, and I love having them around, even when they pee all over my floor!

a change....

So, this weekend Quenton and I are moving to an apartment where we can have our dogs with us 24/7. It's a cute 2 bedroom apartment that's being completely renovated and we are so excited to move! It's been so wonderful having our friends help us with our puppies while we were getting things ready to move. I'm kind of excited because we even get to paint it how we want it! We've got colors picked out for every room. I think that this week will be really stressful and a lot of work, but when it's all over we'll have our dogs with us and that's what matters. Oh, and of course eachother. ;) I'll put up pictures as soon as the transition begins.

our little additions.....

Well, the day finally came for us to add to our family. On Friday, April 10th we picked up Sugar, our beautiful black lab puppy from Quenton's aunt and uncle in Hillspring. Is she ever a cutie!! She has a white blaze on her chest and some white tips on her paws. When we got her to mom and dad Whites' house, we set her up with a bed and a little play area. Of course, we took her outside for walks, which she would just walk with us, or run, as long as she was near us she was happy. She is such a smart little puppy! We really do love her a lot. Q's aunt and uncle (Maureen and Darcy) had asked us if we wanted to take another puppy or two (from a litter of 11) back to the city to sell. We decided to take one more, a boy, thinking that it wouldn't be difficult to sell him here. We picked him up Sunday night on our way home to Edmonton. At first we didn't want to name him, in case his new owners wanted to pick that out, but we quickly got tired of calling him "the other dog". His name is Buddy, and by Monday night we decided that he and Sugar were pretty close, and we didn't want to separate them. It didn't help that we both had become quite attatched to him as well. :) They're both so different. :) Sugar thinks that she's the boss, and always wants to play, even when Buddy wants a break! He's pretty laid back, and is so good at listening. Quenton said that he can see how Buddy's a little like him, and Sugar is more like me. I think he's right! When we got married, we had said that we'd end up with two dogs eventually, and since we haven't started our family just yet, now is a good time to train our puppies and have them ready for other additions to the family. I am so happy to have these little ones as a part of our family. Sugar and Buddy will always have a good home. I can't wait to see them grow and develope their personalities! We'll be taking pictures of them as the grow so you can see how great they are!

A little of how I feel....

I read this article on a friend's sister's blog, and (hopefully it was ok to post it here....) it just conveyed some of what I was feeling. I know that we haven't been in this position for that long, but the feelings are the same.

****
This article is for people who love infertile people.
Infertility Etiquette - by Vita Alligood as posted on
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association.

Here are some favorite parts:
Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year.Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone?Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Play Doctor

Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject.You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject.The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about.

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret.Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption

(Yet)Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents.However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose.You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

* * *
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care
Remember Them on Mother's Day
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatment

(it's me again) I know that not all of this has happened to us, but even the slightest change in how others view this issue can make all the difference.

I really am grateful for such good friends and family members in my life who are willing to just listen. For me, that seems to be the key. I need to be able to release my frustrations, and then I can move forward from it. The Lord really does give us opportunities that we never expect to lean on others.

one annum

so here we are, a whole year in the marriage business, and still happy and looking forward to the next year! We went out to the Olive Garden for dinner on Saturday since our anniversary was Sunday. That's where Q took me the night he proposed. :) Anyway, we had a great time just talking about this last year and thinking about this next year. We've done a lot and have been through a lot this last year, and, good or bad, we've been grateful for it. I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful husband who is so willing to do whatever it would take to make me happy. I know that there would be no one else that could be so matched to me, and who would compliment me like he does. We talked about how comfortable it felt ever since we went on our first date, and how we both knew that eventually we'd end up together. :) What a wonderful year it's been!!!! I feel so blessed to have my wonderful husband and to have been able to go through so many things with him. We've had so much fun together and I can't imagine how great the next years will be. :)

Frustrating day....

So Quent and I bought some furniture on Thursday, and we were SOOO excited to get it today! We bought a loveseat and sofa with a coffee table and 2 endtables. The loveseat and sofa were to be delivered today and the rest not until May, which was fine. We just wanted something nice and new and comfy to sit on. Anyway, we got a call this morning around 8am from the delivery guy saying that he'd be here between 10 and 12. We have church at 11, so we thought we'd maybe miss an hour. By about 12:20pm we were wondering where our furniture was. We called the Brick and spoke to a lady who said she'd call the driver to see where he was. She said she'd call us back, and when she did (around 1pm) she told us that the delivery guy (the first one) saw our address and said that it wasn't in his area, so he gave our furniture to another driver. The second driver, though, didn't realize this until he was already out of the city. There apparently was no way for him to come back to our street, so all they could do was refund our delivery fee. THEN, when I continued to talk to the lady she told me that our sofa was actually here in the city, so we wouldn't have to wait until May for it. I asked what she meant (because we weren't waiting for the furniture, just the coffee table and end tables) and she said that our sofa was delivered to the city and we would be able to pick it up. Of course I was so upset since we thought that having to wait for one of our sofas wasn't going to be a problem. Anyway, to end this stupid frustrating story, we didn't get our furniture today and they say they'll deliver it on Tuesday. I've not heard many good things about The Brick, so I'll believe it when they come to my door. Needless to say we missed church and spent most of the day waiting and arguing on the phone. Not my idea of a good Sabbath day.

luck of the irish?

So here we are in a new month. We decided to get a dog (although our landlord had changed his mind so we had to make alternate arrangements --- still getting the dog) because we figured if we aren't getting pregnant we might as well raise something that's living. :) I think this dog will be therapeutic in helping both of us heal and move forward. Plus, we've both always wanted a dog and now we finally have a chance to own one.
It was my dad's birthday yesterday and so I've been doing a lot of thinking about him. He's one of the most amazing people I know. He will do anything for pretty much anybody, and he's one of the best role models I have. There are days when I miss him a ton, and I'm glad that we live close enough that we can visit the 'rents in good ol' Wainwright.
We're hoping that this month will be lucky for us; visit mom and dad, Quenton will find a job in his field, you know, the usual. At least it's the beginning of the end of winter. And our first anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. I can't believe we've been married almost a year! Where does the time go? Maybe we'll take a fun trip this summer. Who knows? One thing that's kind of exciting for me is that I lost 2 1/2 lbs and, like 3 inches or something like that. Let's hope that's the beginning of many great things to happen.

Fine.

Ok. So could I be any MORE of an emotional indecisive person? February went well. I worked out when I could, Quenton and I have been diligent in studying the scriptures daily and family prayer, my job is working out well scheduling with my classes. We have both been feeling sooooo good about everything. It was nice to feel positive about some things, whether it was spiritual, financial, personal, or just having a clean home. I guess I enjoyed the good feeling in our home since we had decided to change some things. It was a nice change. :)
So, after talking with Q about starting a family, he helped me see that I had been placing so much pressure on every little thing that I was doing upon myself. I was under the impression that me getting pregnant rested solely on the things that I was doing; praying, studying, attitude, cleanliness, even working through personal issues in my life (past and present) so that I had no ill feelings, no regrets, nothing that would make me think that I would be less than the best mother I could be if we were lucky enough to have a baby. Well, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the expectation. I'm tired of thinking that everything I do actually has an effect on whether I get pregnant or not. It's exhausting and by the end of the month both Q and I are emotionally drained. I have come to the conclusion that none of what we're doing is really going to make any difference. Not that I think what we're doing is for nothing, but I'm tired of feeling like I've failed. So, we've decided that we're going to take a trip and do things for us. Whatever we want. Enough of waiting around for something that clearly isn't going to happen soon. So we're going to have fun and enjoy every moment we have together. Does that mean that I'm ok with being "barren" for the moment? No, I'm not. But there's not much I can do about it, so the thing that makes me the happiest is being with my husband and doing things for us. It's about time.

ahhhh February.....

So here we are, in the middle of February, and life is still good. :) I started my new job back at a pharmacy as a Pharmacy Assistant (technitian without the training). I think it's kind of funny how I have resorted back to this kind of job more than once. It makes me think that perhaps this is what I should be doing, but then I remember WHY I don't want to have this for a career. It's too stressful for me. I like what I do, and for the most part I like who I work with, but the retail side of it is what I don't like. Anyway, I'm only working part-time for now, and it's nice. :) I started going to Curves a couple weeks ago, and I love it! I think just the thought of being active and doing something about my weight gives me a natural high. I go with my friend Karen a lot, and I think that helps me. It's nice to have someone to go with, to encourage you, and to drag you there when you need it. :)
With some of the extra time I've had with my new part-time job I've been able to focus more on my classes, and the more I go the more I see how much I love what I'm learning and doing. I also have more time to be at home, and unlike last month where I felt secluded and apart from everything, now it's more like a haven and I love making it more like "home".
Before I left my last job, a friend from work had given me a book. She knew what a difficult time I've been having these last few months and had always been a good shoulder and a good ear when I needed it. I'm sure some of you know about this book, but it is totally changing my life. It's called "The Secret" and it's so simple! I haven't finished it yet, but so far what I've got out of it is that your thoughts become reality. If we think positive things, positive things will happen to us. Quenton and I have talked about this and have decided to change our thinking and what we say. It's sometimes a challenge to be positive when you're having a bad day, but for the most part I can already feel better about life. :)
I'm still turning over new leaves, and I finally feel like I'm in a good groove. The world looks so much better from this view.

The leaf...

So I decided today that I would try to turn over a new leaf, as some say, and change my life. Perhaps I'm just changing aspects of my life that haven't been that great lately. One of them is my weight. Now, I've never been that comforable talking about it to people other than those that are super close to me, but enough is enough! I'm tired of holding on to this excess (and I do mean excess!) baggage like it's some protective shield against the things of the world. I've been carrying around this issue my whole life, and it's time to let it go. I went with my good friend Karen today to work out, and I'm so excited for the prospect of a new me coming into view! Life since the miscarriage has been extremely tough, especially this last month, and I'm tired of feeling stuck in a rut that I can't get out of, lately because I feel too big to get out of it!
Another thing that is going to change is my job. I'll be done working at the school at the end of next week, and although it's been a good learning experience, I feel like it's time to move on. I have a few different roads that I can go down, so we'll just see where this new leaf takes me.
Quenton and I both feel that this next month will be a good one, probably full of changes, good ones, and I can't wait. Tragedies in life whether big or small can have such an affect on your emotional, physical, and spiritual self. I never really got that until now. I've decided many times to change some things in my life, some successfully, some just good lessons learned. Good thing there's still a lot of leaves on my tree.

these times....

Ever have one of those days, weeks, or months where things just weren't going well? That's where I feel I've been for the last while. It isn't the happiest, most productive place to be, but it seems like I'm stuck in it, almost indefinitly. Now I've heard the old "everyone has bad days" and "this is just a trial you're going through" or "don't worry, things will pick up", but I just can't see it from where I'm standing (or in my case, lying in my bed waiting for the day to be over). I know it's probably just a phase, and things will get better, but sometimes it's hard to see the light when you're buried under the piles of unfortunate circumstances that I know most everyone has to deal with.
Anyway, there's a lot more going on in my head, but I just needed to say that.

the Q

So I have a lot of friends who have written wonderful things about their husbands, and I thought that I'd follow suit. :)
Wow, where to even start about my best friend. I guess that's it. He IS my best friend, my confidante, my love, my rock. He encourages me to do whatever I need to do to be happy. He holds me when I'm sad, laughs at my silly jokes, watches chick-flicks with me when all he wants to do is watch James Bond, he holds my hand whenever we are walking together, and he kisses me whenever he can. I never in a million years thought that I'd find a more caring, lovable, thoughtful, funny, smart, and sensitive man for me. He's perfect. I don't believe in coincidences, or fate, but if I did, I'd say he was my soulmate. I wish everyone could be around when he laughs! He has the best laugh of anyone I've ever met! He is so full of love for me, and I know it from everything he does and everything he is.
I love him. He's definitly my White Knight.
xoxo